Waiting to ovulate

So I heard the 9 months waiting for your precious little bundle can drag at the end when you are feeling your biggest and most uncomfortable with swollen ankles and an ever pressing need to pee.

I've also read of the excruciating TWW ( two week wait also known as TWOT - two weeks of torture) when all your hopes are pinned on that line on a pee stick that will show you are pregnant.

No one really talks about that period of time between the day of your first period when you confirm with your fertility clinic you want to go ahead with iui this month and the actual day you ovulate.

I thought I had it cracked. I ovulate between CD (cycle day) 13-15 so first week was easy I was on my period and I just rolled with that. First few days after that I didn't even bother peeing on a stick (POAS).

Then it got to CD10 and I started getting excited that the journey was going to get real soon...

Strangely this month I then noticed some spotting on CD10. Knowing there was no way I was pregnant I googled it and was relieved to read spotting can happen before ovulation as egg is released and ovulation would normally happen a day or two after spotting.

This is where I blame Dr google it's meant that CD11 and CD12 have been me full of expectation waiting for that second line to appear on the pee stick and getting slightly frustrated at nothing appearing. I've even been double checking using my expensive clear blue smiley face/no smiley face sticks. Still nothing.

 Now I'm worrying in case I miss it - I've seen it every other month but what if I miss it this month? The one thing I can mentally do to get pregnant ( the rest is up to my marvellous body - yes I've sunk to giving it lots of compliments) and I'm worried I'll miss it.

Which is really stupid as I'm still not on the cycle days that I normally ovulate on but there you go that's the stage I'm at.

Part of the problem of course is I suck at being patient. Life has tested me time and time again and I've endured waits for test results, waits to get into uni/graduate course/job promotion / moving into new house but although I've done it every time I've sucked at being patient about it . And that's the problem now - every day is now going really slow. Once I've peed on a stick and not got two lines I'm wondering how soon I can pee again.

Tips for anyone else who sucks at waiting:
Phone mum/friend anyone for a chat and talk about them not you
Watch a movie it's long and will suck you in for a good two hours
Take dog for walk
Google anything and everything you have ever wondered

That's about it and I warn you now you will still be looking at clock clutching your pee stick in your hand and thinking it won't hurt just to check once more!

What people say when you tell them you want to try for a baby in your own

Hello,

So I've been really lucky I think in that my family and friends are supportive of my decision to try and have a baby by myself. However that doesn't stop 'helpful' comments regularly being suggested as advice. Examples include:

• Are you sure? 
• Why don't you wait until you meet someone?
• Have you thought about adoption?
• You could still meet someone?
• Why don't you go out and meet someone if you want a baby?
• Wow that's expensive - why not have a one night stand?
• I can't understand why you haven't met someone?
• It's going to be really difficult
• What will you tell the child? 
• Do you just want to borrow mine for the day?
• How will you cope?
• Do you not like men in that way?
• Are you sure you want children- it's tough
• Have you thought about the child not having a dad?

And so on. I know it's probably being said with the right intention but I wonder whether they would say this to someone who married (why try to have a baby just adopt!) or to a mother who was going to split up with her partner ( won't they miss having a dad?) or just questioning why now ( are you sure?)

I have thought so long and hard and got myself into knots about it but I know it's the right thing. I don't want to meet someone and be with them just to have a child - when I meet the one I want to spend my life with I want it to be for love. Not my biological clock. And I don't want to miss the chance to have a child while I wait.

I also get puzzled at the suggestion to go and have a one night stand because 1) I don't want to dupe any man 2) I don't want risk of STIs 3) I am not sure it would make my child feel and better knowing I had one night stand to conceive 4) I wouldn't know the type of person they are and don't want someone in my life for 18 years that I would never pick for a partner.

But to reassure anyone who is thinking about this and telling people, there have been positive comments as well such as:

• I know someone who has done it and wish they had decided to do it sooner
• You can do it
• I know you will be a good mum
• How exciting
• I have my fingers crossed
• You get all sorts of families these days - there is no such thing as 'normal'
• Can I do anything to help? 

Overall what has struck me is the amount of people who know of someone who has done this so actually it's not a huge shock to them as something very different. I also keep seeing the odd article in newspapers about it so gradually it seems to be becoming more known about and - dare I say it - acceptable? 

Of course what matters to me is what I mentioned at the beginning of this blog - my family and friends support me. I know this isn't always the case and I feel blessed with the support :) xxx

Ps let me know if I've missed any other of the regular statements that have been said to you whe you have mentioned it to people. Xxx

Welcome to my journey

Hello

I'm 34, single and have made the decision to have a baby with donor sperm.

I'm about to start my first round of unmediated iui this month and it feels like quite a journey getting to this point!!

I've wanted a baby since my early twenties but after coming out of a serious but unhealthy relationship I haven't had a serious relationship since.

When I turned 31 I started to think about using donor sperm but gave myself another year to go out and really meet someone. I tried and did meet someone in the end and then realised I was weighing up compromising and thinking of settling with someone I wasn't completely happy with just so I could have a baby.

Roll on a few years and the journey feels real now as its about to start. Feeling rather silly as I do hope I might conceive first time but reading on MN I know it's not that common.

Anyhow I thought I would use this blog to cover some of the main issues I've thought about or discussed with people as it may help other people on this journey xxxxxxxx